Mental Pivoting: The act of shifting attention from what you don’t want to what you want.
Mental Alternating: The act of shifting attention back and forth from what you don’t want to what you want, several times.
This is my most basic tool.
Instead of dwelling on what you don’t what, pivot to what you’d like instead.
You should have enough attention on the unwanted to know what it is and to no longer run from it, but not so much that you start feeding it energy. Enough attention to confront it, but not so much that you keep re-creating it.
There should be three or four times more attention on what you prefer. If you talk about the the problem for 1 minute, talk about the goal for three minutes. If you complain for 10 minutes, praise for 30 minutes.
You can help complainers by asking them what they want instead. If those ungrateful gripers keep going on, you can slowly and tactfully shift their awareness to preferred things. Initially they revert back to what they are used to. Over time they realize it feels better, stronger, healthier to be with what they prefer.
If you find it difficult to pivot or focus on preferred outcomes, I recommend alternating. This is like turning a light switch on and off several times. You gain COMMAND of the thing you keep switching on and off. Focus on the unwanted for 10 to 30 seconds. Then on the wanted. Then the unwanted. The wanted. The unwanted. The wanted.
This puts POWER back to the Creator of these thoughts (that would be YOU).
Example of an alternating session (10-30 seconds in between each)
“I hate being single!”
Fred: OK, imagine being single.
Now imagine being in a relationship.
Imagine being single. For a long time.
Imagine being in a relationship. For a long time.
Imagine being single and happy with it.
Imagine being in a relationship and happy with it.
Imagine being single.
Imagine being in a relationship.
Imagine being happily single
Imagine being happily in a relationship.
Single.
Relationship.
Single.
Relationship.
(more quickly now)
Single.
Relationship.
Single.
Relationship.
Of course I add a bunch of coaches-toolbox-tricks to the mix. I said “happily single” to reduce resistance on that (resistance to the unwanted sticks attention on it).
Make it “for a long time” brings up additional resistance layers on both sides (yes, people secretly resist the stuff they claim they want)
Doing it more quickly at the end neutralizes strong attachments to either side.
But those are not things you need to worry about. The technique is simply: Pivot. Or, if that’s not enough, Alternate.
Best wishes.
