Many factors influence wellness in social situations, while talking to others, in groups, in front of people, etc. they all come down to how you use your…
Attention.
Un-wellness is related to being too alert (over-focused) or too uninterested (under-focused), too self-conscious (too much focus on self and self-image) or too externalized (too much focus on other’s wants and needs while ignoring your own).
While talking to someone, softly observe where attention is. See what it feels like to bring attention back to yourself, your body, to how you feel, your space while talking to another. Later, feel what it’s like to put attention on the other person, with full interest, while forgetting yourself.
Finally, see if you can balance attention between self and other. Finally, soften attention so that it’s less alert but not so soft you lose awareness.
Three modes while talking to others:
1. Attention on Self
2. Attention on Other
3. Attention Balanced between self and other
Some people need to practice more attention on self, they get too immersed in others. Some need to practice more attention on others because they are too preoccupied with their own thoughts instead of actually listening.
Ultimately, it’s good to balance between both or a gentle oscillating between the two. Being too alert indicates lack. Being too uninterested creates boredom in both. There is also attention on neither self nor other but on what is being talked about. This kind of attention releases awkwardness or shyness. That’s why many feel uncomfortable when there is no talking and no topic. But you shouldn’t HAVE TO talk and also learn to be comfortable with others by just “being with” or “hanging out with” them, no words required.
Note: Your subconscious beliefs are felt by others. So if you act nice and sweet but feel bored by the other, the other will not perceive you as nice and sweet, but as arrogant. “Why does she think I’m arrogant? I was so nice and sweet to her!”
There are hundreds of things you could improve, but the primary thing is how you use your attention. Observe these various modes for a while and your feeling and appreciation of social situations improves. Finally, ones the preferred mode becomes subconscious, let go of the exercise or any monitoring.
