By “negative person” I don’t mean one who’s in a bad mood or says something you disagree with. Here’s what I mean:
Is there a person where everyone feels RELIEF when they leave the room?
Such people must be dealt with promptly. If you’re exposed to them for too long, you risk becoming negative yourself.
Traits:
* general bad attitude
* hostile
* puts a negative spin on all communication
* controlling or domineering
* OK with unethical behavior
* dismissive attempts to improve things
* averse to criticism
* immune to being helped
* mostly speaking in generalities
* prevents things from getting done
* disrespecting personal space and belongings
* compulsive lying
* compulsive talking
* emotionally fixated and inflexible
Here’s what to do:
Method 1: Separation
Separate from the person. Stop associating, meeting, hanging out, talking. Cut the ties. Say goodbye. Leave. Quit. That’s the best approach. Be free and spend your time with benevolent people.
Method 2: Partial Separation
Some claim they “can’t” separate because of dependency. Then partially separate. Talk less. Meet less. Hang out less. Call less. Text less. Stop rewarding negativity with attention. Attention = reward. Reward good behavior. Gradually create independence.
Method 3: Confront, Challenge and Expose
Some claim they can’t even do a partial separation because it’s a colleague, employer, father, mother, wife, sibling, offspring.
In this case, confront, challenge and expose instead of quietly suffering the abuse. This may get loud initially, because the negative person does not want to be talked back to. Clearly name what this person is doing a) to the person and b) to others. Keep doing it. Stay calm even if the negative person gets threatening. Anger is always on the losing side, even if it appears the more dominant one.
If there’s an opportunity, also name what you’d like to see instead or what a sane and healthy person would do. It only takes ONE person to keep speaking up about this for others to join in and help. Don’t get involved in justifying, explaining and defending yourself. You’re not on trial. State clearly and calmly the negative behavior exactly as it is, without omitting or embellishing anything. This will get the person to change or a group of people to set boundaries on the person.
Method 4: Become Invulnerable
Some people claim they can’t do methods 1,2 or 3 . In this case, become invulnerable. Refine your emotional, verbal and behavioral reactions. You practice to reduce your reactions to the person and develop preferred ways of living, despite the negativity. As you increase your level of consciousness (and the kindness and confidence that go with it), your physical fitness ( making you internally stronger), and your focus on preferred results (results in your life, your work, what you want for your reactions to people and also including how you would like that person to be), you rise above their energy-level and out of reach of their negativity.
