Reality Creation Articles 2020 – Part 1
Table of Contents
- Top 7 Reasons to Reduce Smartphone Usage
- Advantages of Handwriting
- The Value of Values
- How to Smoothly Dissolve a Pattern of Behavior
- You don’t need to “perform” to be loved.
- Emotional Freedom is to Integrate what you Feel
- How to Be More Assertive
- How some thrive while others go out of Business
- A conscious approach to the 2020 Coronavirus
- Healing in Silence
- People grow the most quickly when you let them BE
- How to Create a New State in 10 Minutes
- Are Humans Being Grown and Harvested?
- It feels good to give people right of way
- You don’t need that much entertainment
- Some Coronavirus Reactions are more dangerous than the Virus itself
- Nutrition and Energy Levels
- Return on Energy Investment
- Not the Head, but your Chest is your Center
- The Cholesterol Myth as an Example of Mass Falsehood
Top 7 Reasons to Reduce Smartphone Usage
This article might be unpopular. Good thing I don’t write to win popularity contests but for higher awareness.
Over the last year, I’ve reduced my smartphone usage to an absolute minimum and it’s been great. It’s on about 2 hours a week. Prior to that, it was almost inconceivable to me to live without Google-Maps, without 24/7 availability, always having it with me “in case of emergency” or “to browse online to ‘update’ myself on ‘current events’. It started slowly. At first I turned it off for one day a week. Eventually that expanded to several days a week. Finally, I hardly used it at all.
But why? Here are 5 good reasons to limit its usage:
- Smartphones or iPhones habituates narrow focus vs open awareness.
I’ve described Modes of Attention in detail here and also in the “Attention Training” Audio Course. Narrow Focus is the primary cause of tension, stress and excessive thinking and all the issues that go along with that. Open Awareness and Peripheral Awareness on the other hand, are linked to calm mind and well-being and all the benefits that go along with that. Smartphones harden the gaze, rather than softening it. In this sense, smartphone-staring creates the opposite of a meditative state.
Place your hands in the air, to the left and right of your head, so that you can just barely see them from the corner of your eyes. Then move them away from the head, outward to the left and right but so that you can still see them. At the same time, become aware of the sounds you hear. And also be aware of what is happening around and behind you, where your eyes can’t see. This is peripheral and open awareness. Notice how your gaze softens and the mind and body subtly relax.
2. Through Smartphones, you can easily be spied on at all times
Many would prefer to ignore this little inconvenience, but it’s true. See for example this recent news item:
“The security research team at Checkmarx has made something of a habit of uncovering alarming vulnerabilities, with past disclosures covering Amazon’s Alexa and Tinder. However, a discovery of vulnerabilities affecting Google and Samsung smartphones, with the potential to impact hundreds of millions of Android users, is the biggest to date. What did the researchers discover? Oh, only a way for an attacker to take control of smartphone camera apps and remotely take photos, record video, spy on your conversations by recording them as you lift the phone to your ear, identify your location, and more. All of this performed silently, in the background, with the user none the wiser”.
I contacted Google, and a spokesperson told me: “We appreciate Checkmarx bringing this to our attention and working with Google and Android partners to coordinate disclosure”.
Google pretends they did not know about this, but in reality its been known ever since the invention of smartphones and it will always be true that electronic communications can be intercepted in a variety of ways.
3. Smartphones and iPhones are linked to addiction patterns
Plenty has been written about addiction to smartphones. Watch how people react when they forget, break or lose their phones. They’ll get agitated and quickly get a new one. Most people believe they depend on it for their work, their friendships, their money, their knowledge, directions, the weather, locations, their schedule, their customer contacts…all of life! And that’s precisely why it’s good to do without. I was surprised that some did not take it lightly when I turned off my smartphone most of the time, believing I wanted to end the friendship. Even my hairdresser suggested it would be difficult to confirm my appointments without a smartphone. I didn’t know that others are invested in me owning a phone too, that was funny. Of course, if someone is truly a friend or really interested in Business, they’ll be friends or do Business regardless of whether I own one of these boxes or not.
4. Reliance on Apps, undermines your own intuitive and mental powers
Dependency on apps can get out of hand. I know people who, when they wonder about something, instantly pick up their phone and ask a Search Engine rather than thinking about it for themselves. When they are not sure exactly where they are, they quickly check their Map-App rather than practicing spatial orientation. Not knowing where to eat, they rely on a reviews-app rather than their nose. I recall an incident where the location me and a friend were looking for, was right in front of us, in big letter signs, but he was looking at his phone for the location. I said “Its right over there” and he said “Wait, let me check”, still staring at the phone.
5. Smartphones and iPhones can be time wasters
The devices are meant to save time and make life more easy. Used responsibly, I’m sure they make your life easier. But with too many, the opposite happens: They get lost playing endless levels of Game-Apps, pointlessly browse, chat, check instagram, phone, are ever-available until information overload. In that kind of mental environment, not much gets done. People marvel at how I was able to write as many books as I did, but it’s really a piece of cake if you have let go of the need for “entertainment”. Your smartphone can be used as a device to further your Mission and Vision in life, or it can be mis-used to distract from the same. Ever since I’ve reduced smartphone usage, I get even more creative and satisfying work done throughout the day. My mind is free from all the clutter and can be focused on much better. Also, I have an opportunity to look at and talk to real people throughout the day.
6. Smartphones can cut reduce communication in relationships
One would think that phoning and texting increases communication and improves relationships. But it also cuts one off from the people right around one. While staring into your phone there is a reduced awareness of the others facial expression, breathing rhythm, thoughts, emotions, body postures, aura, energy, clothing, skin…well, you become pretty much unaware of the entire person. Some people prefer to have their friends and relationships at a distance and talk to them only on some messenger or by text. They don’t want the intimacy, the smells, the touch, the reality. But the friendships “at a distance” are not really friendships. If zero effort or investment on your side is required, where’s the relationship? People you mainly talk to online are acquaintances, not friends.
7. Life becomes a second hand experience
The photo above shows several people taking pictures of Mona Lisa in their phones. I was at that same spot a year ago. But I didn’t take a picture of Mona Lisa. I put my consciousness into the picture as to experience it directly rather than own a second hand copy of it in my phone.
With all that said, Im certainly not “against” smartphones. I’m pointing out the exaggerated importance people place on it. Imagine a world in which couples look more into their smartphones than at each other. Well, guess what: That’s the kind of world we have already created. Fortunately, I left that world a few months ago. I never take my phone with me when I’m on a date with someone I appreciate. And just that alone, has improved my enjoyment of people, enjoyment of the environment, enjoyment of face-to-face contact, enjoyment of presence.
Advantages of Handwriting
When I ask students to write a Journal or apply the “Scripting” method, I usually recommend handwriting over typing. For practical reasons, most of my writing is computer typing. Except when it comes to personal things. The lost art of handwriting is superior, for several reasons.
Handwriting reveals who your state
Graphology is the analysis of ones handwriting to evaluate a persons state or personality traits. Handwriting reveals something about who you are because your handwriting is unique. Anything that is unique about you, such as your fingerprint, your irises or your DNA, can tell something about you. Your handwriting reveals hundreds of subconscious decisions you have made, including the spacing of letters, frills and twirls you choose, how hard to press the pen, how large the letters are, how you cross your t, where you started on the paper. Graphologists examine your handwriting by hundreds of criteria. If you do not believe that handwriting reveals anything about ones state, then compare the erratic writings of people locked up in psychiatric hospitals with the beautiful handwriting of poets.
There have been attempts to invalidate Graphology as a “pseudoscience”. The Wikipedia page on Graphology aggressively trashes it. On the other hand, Universities around the world, offer accredited degrees in Graphology. In some countries it is illegal to analyze a persons handwriting without their consent. Such In other regions its not uncommon to use Graphology in job-interviews. Obviously there is disagreement on whether it’s valid or not. I’d say your handwriting perhaps does not reveal your entire personality, but say something about your current state. Perhaps you are old enough to remember the days where a lot of correspondence was handwritten. Then you also remember how you had “good days” with your handwriting and on other days it did not look that good. When you were not well, the handwriting was shaky. When you felt strict, the writing looked strict. When you felt playful, it looked playful.
Handwriting changes your state
If your handwriting can reveal your state, it follows that changing your handwriting can change your state. There is a thing called Graphotherapy, where you write therapeutically (in Wikipedia, this wholesome practice is “debunked” as “pseudoscience” as well). By slowing down your writing and writing more consciously or even artfully (as in Calligraphy), the conscious mind relaxes, giving rise to the creative. More narrow and aligned lettering can discipline the mind. More spacious lettering can broaden the mind. The reason handwriting changes your state is because the mind consists of words. Thoughts are mostly words or images. In writing, you take control of your thoughts. It’s almost as if the handwriting were a lever with which you can control your mind-state. If you are worried that your handwriting is ugly or erratic, then there are certain parts of your subconscious you do not wish to face, in my view. As strange as it sounds, I believe you can heal these parts, by practicing to write beautifully.
Handwritten Documents Stand Out
Nobody expects to receive a handwritten letter these days. If you take the time to craft a letter by hand, you can make a real impression on a business associate, friend, customer, family member, etc. Letters are something tangible, touchable. You can smell the paper and ink. You can feel the quality of paper. You can feel how hard the ink was pressed on the other side of the paper. Its thoughts become physical. Nowadays, they are a novelty. How do you think someone might feel if you send them a handwritten letter? They’d be touched that you took so much time. They are more likely to open and read it than an email.
Handwritten Journals Assist in Healing and Manifesting
There are scientific studies that correlate handwriting with more brain activation than keyboard typing. Handwriting journals allow for a quicker emotional release, because handwriting feels real and personal. Handwriting reality creation scripts (see my book “Reality Creation and Manifestation”) allows for quicker manifestation of your scripts, because you are making your thoughts physical. If they are already materializing on paper, they’ll more easily materialize in daily life.
How to use the wisdom in this article: Journal about how you feel or your recent thoughts. Or, if you prefer, script out something you’d like to experience. Write slowly and consciously. Put an effort into improving the look and style of your handwriting. Put some love into it. If you haven’t handwritten in a long time, you will re-experience things you haven’t felt in a long time. If this article inspired only one person to do some handwriting, I’ve achieved my intention.
Improving your mental state by doing something slowly, consciously and beautifully does not only apply to handwriting. You can achieve the state with almost anything done slowly, consciously and beautifully. Handwriting is merely one of the best reminders of that.
How to smoothly Dissolve a Pattern of Behavior
Everyone has patterns of behavior they’d rather not have. If you are like most humans, you have a hard time “not doing it”, even though you do not want to. Recent Coachings I’ve had include: Someone who binged watched Netflix every evening when they came home. Someone who masturbated every time they were under work pressure. Someone who chews their nails. Someone who argues with people on social media every day and just can’t stop doing it. Someone who spends all the money they make. Someone who eats every time they are bored.
Getting rid of such habits seems difficult at first, but it’s easy if you can become keenly aware of each and every thought, feeling, urge, intention and action involved in the habit, releasing the emotion behind it and consciously practicing new behavior. It requires you to bring some consciousness into the situation.
Behavioral Pattern Breaker
- Make the firm intention or prayer for healing, releasing or transforming your behavioral pattern. Allow yourself to feel in your heart that there is no way back.
- With eyes closed, imagine the old pattern of behavior from start to finish, as a movie. While you do so, I recommend any preferred conscious breathing method. It is recommended you watch the whole movie at least three times. Become keenly aware of what happens before, during and after the unwanted behavior.
- Perform the pattern of behavior physically, intentionally. Re-create each step consciously from start to finish. Observe. Feel. The, act out the entire pattern from start to finish again. List any thoughts, feelings or urges that arose. Then, act out the whole pattern again. Write down more ideas, feelings, thoughts or acts that arise.
- Apply basic emotional clearing to the thoughts and feelings that arose. Release each item that you wrote down.
- Imagine a new pattern you’d like to have instead of the old one. Run that as a movie, three to five times. Identify with and feel yourself inside that movie.
- Perform the new pattern. Act it out at least three times.
- Alternate between performing the old pattern and the new pattern. Act out the old pattern a few times, the new pattern a few times and go back and forth between the two, until you have taught your subconscious both and have gained control of both.
In most cases, this is enough. If you have a sticky habit that still won’t go away, then add these steps:
8. Intentionally perform the old behavior more often than it comes up, in alteration with the new behavior.
9. Perform the old behavior somewhere else than you usually do, in alteration with the new behavior.
10. Remove a small part or segment of the behavior or add something new to it, in alteration with the new behavior.
11. Carry out the old behavior in slow motion, in alteration with the new behavior.
12. Carry out the old behavior in double speed, in alteration with the new behavior.
13. Perform now only the new behavior.
Is it still not gone? Then you’re not being honest. Consciously performing the old and new behavior several times, brings it under your choice and control. Make sure the new behavior is good enough and easy to perform. Know why you want it and why you believe you can have it and what benefits the new behavior offers.
If its a strongly conditioned behavior, then you might have to repeat the above exercise a week later. And again another week later. But so what? That’ s better than living many years in a state of trance. Behavioral patterns and habits are like a trance. You can snap out of a trance through deliberate activity, especially activity outside of your routine. You can apply a clean-up of all of your behavioral patterns. Most people have many. Some of them are good, but most of them are just attachment to comfort and routine.
You don’t need to “perform” to be loved
One of the most common beliefs I have encountered in 30 years of Life and Success Coaching is this:
“I am loved if I perform”
This belief is usually developed in childhood. When a child performs there is a reward, when a child does not perform, there is punishment. Society is run on this. The promise of love and the threat of trouble is used to push people to higher performance. The method works, but it’s not ultimate or highest truth and not the best way to run society.
The truth is, that you are unconditionally loved, regardless of whether you perform or not, by the Source that created you. If you do not believe that, then think of your own children when they were babies. Or if you never had children, think of the cutest and most cuddly pet you can imagine. Now, looking at them, do you expect them to “perform” or do you just love them for what they are? When you truly love, it’s unconditional and not linked to any “performance”.
If you get rid of this belief, will you become lazy and complacent? No, you won’t. Laziness is the polarized reaction to performance-pressure. Once you get rid of this belief, you will perform with less effort and more creativity. Your performance will not come from what others expect, it will come from the heart. I freed myself from the belief 15 years ago and made gigantic leaps in performance.
From the core “I am loved if I perform” thousands of other negative beliefs and thoughts form. Some of them are:
“I should be perfect and never make mistakes”
“I never do good enough”
“These issues will never be solved”
“I am no good”
“I should always be in control / happy”
“I hope people approve of me”
“I can’t live without this person”
“After all I have done for you, why don’t you give me recognition?”
“Others need to change before I can be happy”
“I need to please others, whether it feels right or not”
“I am entitled to X, because I worked hard”
“If something goes wrong, its my fault”
“Being alone is not good”
“I need to look good in front of others. I need to impress”
“Being rejected is bad”
“Anger is bad. I must suppress anger”
“My worth as a human depends on my looks, intelligence, possessions or achievements”
“If someone disagrees with me, they dont love me”
“Following my heart is selfish”
“I should get a ‘real job’ instead of following my inner calling”
“If someone insults or hurts me, I must take revenge. Otherwise I’ll be seen as inferior”
“I will never show weakness”
“Life should be easy”
All of these thoughts and many more are related to the core thought “I am loved if I perform”. That thought is founded in the idea that you are an animal that can be programmed or conditioned rather than a Spiritual Being.
People enter the rat-race at an early age, then spend the rest of their lives trying to “prove their worth” to…who? They make perfect worker-slaves, but they don’t make conscious people.
In order to heal this affliction in the world, we can give people the sense that we love them unconditionally, regardless of whether they “perform” or not. Even if they fail, make mistakes, fall ill, have accidents…they are loved unconditionally. This will actually reduce the amount of accidents, illnesses and errors. Why? Because people no longer check whether they are loved by creating errors and illnesses, they know they are loved.
Most people carry this issue to a lesser or greater degree, so most will benefit from examining the issue. Here’s an exercise: Write down what you could believe instead of that list of thoughts above. For example, what could someone believe instead of the desperately immature “I will never show weakness”? It could be something like this: “I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I can observe my weak points with humor/tolerance and define what I’d like to develop instead”. Do the exercise and your tendency to operate from “I need to perform to be loved” will decrease.
I’d like you to consider for a moment, how cruel the “You are loved if you perform” belief is. It’s cruel to subject or others to this nonsense. You will be shown a lot of “evidence” that people do not “perform” if there is no stick or carrot. But that’s only because people have not been given the time and space to explore and define who they are, beyond conditioning/brainwashing, beyond approval-disapproval worries. Thus, many “successful” people are stuck in “performing to get reward” and many “unsuccessful” people are stuck in rebelling against performing. Many poor and rich are stuck in this same construct around “I am loved if I perform”, without consciously being aware of it.
I’d like to meditate on yourself and tell yourself this:
You are loved unconditionally, whether you perform or not, whether you do well or not. You are my best friend and will be so forever, because of who you are, not because of what you do. I love you when you do well, I love you when you don’t do well.
Regarding “performing”, you can tell yourself something like this:
I perform not in expectation of reward or in fear of punishment. I enjoy performing to express who I am, express creative power and energy or to give love to people.
Once a person is conditioned to believe that they need to perform to be loved, need to perform to get money, need to perform to find a partner, etc., they can be controlled with Rejection. Being rejected will then either lead to perform more to meet the expectations of the rejector or to retaliate against the rejector. The higher consciousness way to handle rejection is neither retaliation nor working harder to meet expectations. It’s becoming more of who you are, becoming an even more authentic and real version of you, sticking to your own path. Orchestrating revenge against the rejector is a waste of time and energy. Trying to live up to the rejector is a waste of time and energy. If you wish to use the rejection as a means to improve yourself, by all means do. That’s a positive thing. But do it because you genuinely wish to improve, not in order to get the approval of the rejector. Again:
You are loved unconditionally, whether you perform or not, whether you do well or not. You are my best friend and will be so forever, because of who you are, not because of what you do. I love you when you do well, I love you when you don’t do well.
I perform not in expectation of reward or in fear of punishment. I enjoy performing to express who I am, express creative power and energy or to give love to people.
To live freely, you need the basic, unshakable, foundational belief that you are unconditionally loved forever. Just that one belief will immunize you against becoming a pavlovian dog.
Emotional Freedom is to Integrate what you Feel
This article is a continuation of the Video titled: “Emotional Freedom is appreciating what you feel right now”
Imagine thoughts and feelings as clouds of energy floating around body and mind. Everywhere you go the clouds go with you. Many lie dormant. Sometimes a cloud is triggered and you get emotional. If an emo-cloud weren’t already present, it couldn’t get triggered. We blame the external trigger, but that trigger would run into emptiness if there were no pre-existing thought or expectation.
Normally there are two ways we “deal with” emotions. We either ignore and suppress or we express them.
If we suppress them, they still keep floating around body and mind. But now they are taking up the energy needed to push them down. As soon as we get exhausted and can no longer put on a civilized face, they snap back up. As soon as we try to relax a little, that same old feeling comes back up. This is why people have less fights and arguments a) in the morning than in the evening and b) after a meal than before. They are suppressing. But if the emotion were released, there would be no need to suppress and you could relax and still feel well.
The ability to suppress can be useful for pushing through tasks and performances (on stage, in sports, in Business) and important meetings where you want to “keep face”. Suppressing emotions can be useful if you don’t want to contaminate an area of your life with another. But as useful as it is, it will not get rid of the emo-clouds. Suppressing them makes it appear as if they have become a permanent resident in your field of energy. Resistance is what gives them continual life and reaffirmation. Daily resistance is like a daily pushing of a button to reactivate an issue, so it continues for days, weeks, months and years.
Expressing our emotions doesn’t take as much energy as suppressing. But that doesn’t make the emo-cloud disappear either. If you could see energy as it is, you’d see that this emo-cloud analogy is quite suitable to describe what really happens. As you express your emotions, you mostly energize them, especially if you are speaking to gain attention, position yourself as victim or trying to wrong someone. When one continually talks about their feelings, you’d see the clouds getting lit up. Both resistance and expression focus energy on the clouds and activate them. Through talking, the cloud can be made even stronger. And through years and years of talking on it, one could have created the ultimate super-cloud. And that’s great if its a positive thing that was repeated over the years. But if it’s a problem/issue/ailment then speaking of it over long periods of time and having it affirmed and confirmed and reminded of by others only makes what began as a mere cloud-of-emotion a severe and serious ailment. Most illnesses begin as mere clouds of emotion.
This is why, from an energy/spiritual perspective, old-school psychotherapy isn’t that great. Fortunately there are now many new schools of psychotherapy popping up. But this outmoded paradigm of talking about a “past” (that really only exists as a thought in the now), that supposedly influences your actions in the “now” only serves to re-activate unwanted thought- and emotional clouds. To get a PhD in Psychology can take 10 years. Releasing an unwanted emotion can take only 10 minutes.
Beyond Suppressing and Expressing, there is Releasing. What is releasing? It is integrating. Imagine yourself as an energy-form. Imagine the clouds floating around your body, and you stretch out, embrace and take them back into your energy-field. This is like merging split off parts back into one integral unit so that it’s whole again. It’s like bringing wayward children back home. Integrating what you feel means to fully feel what you feel, allowing what you feel without the attempt to get rid of it or keep it. Integrating all feelings leads to a state of tranquil clarity, easy confidence, health and aliveness.
So on the one hand we have people who resist, suppress and avoid what they feel. And on the other side we have those who over-express, wallow in and over-identify with their feelings. Integration is neither of those. Integrating is to simply experience what you feel with acceptance. What is, is. What isn’t, isn’t. That’s acceptance.
When you integrate your feelings, you put neutral awareness on them. Neutral means neither wanting to get rid of them or heal them, nor desiring to keep them. Neutral awareness is integrating awareness. When you too strongly identify with your emotions, you become them. You are so immersed that you cannot neutrally view them from an outside viewpoint. That’s one extreme. The other extreme is to ignore and avoid and pretend nothing is wrong and nothing is there. That’s denial. You might distract yourself with entertainment instead of integrating what you feel. You might take medication, eat something, tense up, get chatty and gossipy, go daydream or many other things in order not to just integrate what you feel.
If you take just a few minutes of time every to to feel what you feel, it can bring wonderful relief to your life. Do you feel stuck in a habit? Allow yourself a few minutes to simply feel and experience what that feels like. BE stuck in a habit intentionally for a few minutes. Do you feel down after work? Then stop everything you are doing and just sit there and breathe with that for a few minutes. Whats the rush? Experience yourself. Feel yourself. Feeling moody? Feeling in disagreement with someone? Having a compulsion? Feeling tired? Feeling bored? Just sit and breathe with it. Feel it. Allow it. Integrate it. Just for a few minutes. Not hours. That would be over-identification – wallowing in your feelings. No need to go into self-pity or hours of crying. That’s not integration, it’s wallowing. Stay neutral enough that you don’t get too involved. But not so neutral that you ignore or mock what you feel. We are looking for the perfect balance, the exactly right attitude that will allow your emotions to integrate.
When they integrate, they “dissolve”. Well, they don’t really dissolve. It may appear to you like they are gone and you no longer “have the problem”. But nothing really dissolves. When a small piece of energy is reintegrated back into the overall energy field that you are, it is no longer felt and experienced as a focal point. And when it’s no longer your focal point, it’s no longer “acutely felt”. Yes, when it’s no longer resisted, it’s no longer felt. Even the tiniest hint of resistance activates it. Appreciation integrates it. And in order to appreciate something, it’s helpful to know and understand it’s value. Treat what you feel as something of value, something that has a message. Stop treating what you feel as a nuisance or disturbance. A headache is not a nuisance, it carries a message for you. It is trying to point to a situation, thought, attitude, temperature, thing, behavior etc. that is not appropriate for you. Allow it to deliver its message and it won’t have to keep reappearing to deliver the message.
Does this mean that a few moments every day of conscious feeling, breathing, sitting without the need to do, get rid of or keep or get anything can greatly benefit your overall state in life? Yes, that’s what all this means. People who have learned to integrate their emotions are not preoccupied with them all day and are not constantly seeking to address, heal, handle or get rid of them. Many people who practice “Emotional Clearing” are too preoccupied with their emotions. That’s not integration, it’s wallowing-in-feelings and comes from subconsciously resisting their feelings while pretending to address them. People who have learned to integrate their emotions are also not ignoring their emotions and just going on a rampage of work or entertainment so that they don’t have to face what they feel. The emotionally integrated person is simply “ok with feeling this way”, without getting completely immersed in it. From that position, anything can be released and one experiences Emotional Freedom.
How to Be More Assertive
“I want to be more assertive!”
When someone tells me that, I asked why. What’s the real issue behind the desire? The reasons given, vary:
- Some think that speaking up and being more active is a key to their success.
- Some feel overwhelmed by strong-willed people.
- Some feel oppressed by aggressive people who control and impose.
- Some say they want to be more assertive because they feel timid.
If you wish to be more assertive, check your motive. What is the inner lack driving that desire? There’s a thought you have about yourself, such as simply “I am timid”. Or you might be suppressing your assertiveness with a thought like “I don’t want to be obnoxious and pushy like Tom!” But that’s mistaking aggressiveness with assertiveness. Being assertive is the balance between timidity and aggressiveness. True assertiveness comes from calm, not anger. Being strong willed and being aggressive are sometimes mistaken. They are not the same thing. Outside of a sports or war context, being aggressive is generally a negative trait, while being strong willed is a positive trait.
Assertiveness means expressing what you prefer. To be direct. Saying how you feel. To ask for changes. To maintain a position you believe in, despite disapproval.
Aggressiveness is more of a demand than a preference, more hostile than confident. It could involve punishment if demands are not met. If you are asking to “be more assertive” because you’re with an aggressive person, then your first act of asserting yourself would be, to stop putting up with it. The very least you can ask is to be treated respectfully. If people make demands, threats or use physical force, break off the connection. I don’t recommend practicing “being assertive” around such people.
Lack of Assertiveness Causes Anger
Lacking assertiveness means to be indirect, shy, of weak will, weak communication, wavering, approval-seeking or indecisive. When people say “Fred, help me be more assertive”, what they are actually saying is that they’d like to express what they feel and want without appearing rude. When peoples assertiveness becomes rude or aggressive, it’s the result of feeling oppressed, of feeling ones needs haven’t been met for a long time. It’s an over-reaction to lack of assertiveness.
Yes, People are angry and aggressive because they failed to assert themselves. That’s a key to solve most of the worlds conflicts. When a person fails to assert themselves in an appropriate and healthy way, from calm and confidence, they compensate for their weakness by forcing their will on others through anger and aggression.
An example from my own life: Years ago, I had this neighbor who’d start hammering and drilling at 8 pm, a time I preferred some peace and quiet. The work would go on until about 10 pm. Over weeks this anger was boiling up inside me. But I never went over and told him to quiet down. I never confronted him about it, never said a word. I never asserted myself. The anger kept boiling up, until one day, i visualized going over to his place and shouting at him and insulting him. A week later and I was fantasizing about kicking in his door and punching him in the face. Suppressed anger from lack of assertiveness, lead to violent fantasies. Violent fantasies may eventually lead to real life violence. Fortunately I saw what was happening to me and finally went over to his place and politely ask him to keep down the noise. From that day on he did. My violent thoughts vanished and were replaced by a positive image of the neighbor. He was just building an extra room to his house and it would be done in two weeks and he’ll do his work between 6 and 8 instead of 8 and 10. All was well. But if I hadn’t asserted myself, the suppressed anger would have just kept brewing and likely explode into me going over there and shouting at him. And had I shouted at him, how would he likely react? With defiance. The whole thing may end up in front of Court. When you calmly assert yourself early on, you avoid what could turn into a real problem.
Assertiveness and Criticism
Sometimes asserting yourself takes on the form criticism. That’s fine as long as you find the right tone, timing and phrasing of criticism. Telling someone who has just lost a loved one, that they “look like trash” is perhaps the wrong tone, phrasing and timing. One might wait a few weeks and then say something like “I think your mood could benefit from dressing up once in a while”. That might still cause the person to be offended, but its miles better than the first variant. Another smart way to criticize is by pointing out behavior rather than the person. So instead of saying “You are a complete moron”, you say “I don’t like how you did that”. The self-important Ego is more offended by what it thinks it IS than by what it does (even though some will even be offended by that). It is also less offended if you use the word “I” instead of “you”.
When you are being criticized, it’s wise to hear a person out before responding. Being assertive does not mean going on “counter-attack”. It means responding from a calm place. To reach such calm, you might have to postpone your response to a later time. 50% of arguments between spouses can be prevented by choosing to postpone ones response until one is in a better state.
Other Examples of Assertiveness
Asserting yourself might mean saying “no” to things you don’t really want. Stick to your no and don’t waver. If you really want to feel what its like to be assertive, don’t justify yourself either. “I don’t want to do this”. Period. Insecure people often feel the need to justify their decisions. Assertive people are comfortable with just saying no, without apology or even the need to suggest an alternative. Yes, if the person you are dealing with is very important or overly sensitive, and you want to, then go ahead and suggest an alternative. But you don’t have to. And it’s good assertiveness-training to do without any qualifier. “No, I don’t want to meet up this week”. Period. – “But what about next week?” – “I don’t know”. People who fear assertiveness would have trouble talking this way. They’d have to come up with a reason they don’t want to meet up . They’d say “I don’t want to meet up this week because I have a lot to do” or “Because I’m not feeling well”. Such statements are often mere excuses. What if you just don’t want to meet up because you don’t want to meet up? Why assume that the others Ego is so fragile that it can’t accept the fact? And then, when asked “whether we can meet up next week ” (if you don’t provide an alternative, others often will), you just say “I don’t know”. Non-assertive people would probably not say just that. In their minds, a child-like conversation is running, that goes something like this: “I wouldnt want him to think that we are no longer friends, even though I am not at all interested in him. I want to reassure him that all is well, even though it isnt'”. So they’d say “Yeah, maybe next week. We’ll see. I hope so. Hmm…are you free next Friday?” And then the non-assertive person has made yet another appointment he doesn’t really want to go to.
Assertiveness can take the form of asking for explanations. If you are timid, you’ll never ask. It can take the form of questioning contracts, business deals, policies, local laws, societal structures, peoples beliefs, questioning companies, behaviors, situations. One of the main reasons people have the feeling that they are powerless and that the worlds “ruling elite” can do anything they want with them, is because they lack assertiveness. They do not invest willpower to create their own reality and then blame their undesirable situation on some ruling authority. But before others gained power over your reality, you yourself relinquished it. The good news, is that you can re-assert it.
Assertiveness also takes the form of allowing others to be assertive with you. That’s an interesting distinction, isn’t it? People who are themselves assertive, have no problems respecting other peoples strong-will and assertiveness. If you are bothered by assertive people it is usually because you have not asserted yourself when you wanted to.
The Negative Beliefs Behind Assertiveness
What’s stopping you from being assertive? Negative thoughts and beliefs.
Maybe you think others will get hurt by your assertiveness:
“If I tell the truth, I will hurt her/his feelings”,
“People just don’t like being criticized”,
“They can’t handle the truth”.
Maybe you think you will get hurt by your assertiveness:
“If I show my true colors, they won’t like me”.,
“I don’t want them to see me as pushy”,
“I am not in a position to make my voice heard, I am not worthy, I am not yet well known, etc.”
“Why do I have to be assertive? It should be obvious what I want”. That’s being non-assertive out of laziness.
“They will never change, so there is no point in me saying anything”. That’s non-assertiveness coming from apathy.
“If I talk, I show weakness. Then they know they won”. That thought is exactly as contrived and nonsensical as it sounds.
“This person is more important than me, so I should just shut up and listen”. This may be true when you are a trainee at a company, but reducing-yourself is not useful in general.
“I’m just too scared to speak up!”.
Any thoughts around the topic should be written down, viewed, acknowledged and then consciously let go of and replaced.
The Body Language and Voice of Assertiveness
Sometimes Assertiveness is shown in gesture, posture and tone of voice. In Communication Seminars I have people role play assertiveness. It requires some practice over time to become more assertive, don’t pressure yourself. The assertive person will usually not hide their mouth, avoid eye contact or nervously shuffle their feet. They’ll be able to look you in the eye. Their voice will be calm. They’ll stand or sit upright. Their talk will usually be brief and to the point. People who over-talk are usually compensating for non-assertiveness. In the Seminars I ask people to act assertively, no matter whether they feel assertive or not. The acting-as-if helps bring about a change in feeling.
Assertiveness and Influence
Some see “being assertive” as the ability to influence, convince or persuade others. While it’s not exactly the same thing and you don’t always get what you want even when you are assertive, an assertive person will likely enjoy making a case for something or arguing a point. The more reasons or examples you give for your case, the easier it is to convince others. If you appreciate the people you are talking to, its even easier to convince them. Kindness does even more in persuading others than assertiveness. Trying to convince people who don’t want to be convinced, is not assertiveness, its a waste of time.
The assertive person, by the way, is completely fine with not always being assertive, just like the confident person is OK with not always being confident. If someone goes into a crisis because they failed to be assertive once, that’s because they generally do not believe they are. If you believe that you are generally assertive, you don’t have an emotional breakdown if you miss out on it once. Also, you might find that you are assertive in some contexts but not in others. In this case, you can recall the assertiveness you already have in some areas, and try to apply the same attitude to the areas in which you are not yet assertive.
Your Influence grows as you make more friends, socialize more and meet more people. If you are not truly interested in anyone, you are unlikely to influence them.
Being More Assertive
Make an Intention to be more assertive. “I am assertive”.
Make an Intention to notice when you are not assertive and intend to correct it next time.
Make an Intention to notice when you are assertive and intend to be that more often.
If needed, re-read this article. The more clear it is to you what being assertive means, the more likely you are to be assertive. Finally, once you are truly assertive, you wont call it that anymore. You’ll realize that its just a normal part of being yourself and communicating with the world. And you won’t desire it anymore because you’ll know that its the most natural thing in the world to express yourself.
How some thrive while others go out of Business
I’ve written many stories like this and think many more should be written. Success is worth pointing out.
For a couple of years, I lived in this town that was quite remote. It was a time of quietude for me. It had a population of 50 000. Due to its remoteness it didn’t have much Business.
Shops would open, struggle, then close again. I saw them come and go and I started making predictions on that. It was
remarkably easy to foresee.
I saw about 10 shops come and go and correctly predicted the demise of every single one. I don’t say that to boast or claim special ability. I say it to convey that this whole success/failure thing is easy for anyone to see, with just a little attention. You know that stuff YOU like and a lot of other people also like? Yeah, that’s the stuff that’ll succeed.
In the local newspaper, I’d read owners of failed businesses in the area, blaming the economic circumstances. I never heard or read anyone say “My shop failed because it was simply no good. My product and service was no good”. It’s an odd weakness of the Ego to look for someone or something to blame. And it diverts any chance of ever finding out the real reasons for failure.
Yes, the area didn’t have much of an economy. Yes, it was remote. Yes, one couldn’t just succeed with any Business there. For instance, as mostly farmers lived there, a Yoga teacher or a DJ Vinyl shop would likely not thrive. But there were a few shops that always thrived in my time there. And that was foreseeable too. One of these was a cake shop owned by an tough but likable old lady. Every morning she had a crowd of people eagerly waiting for her to open shop. No other shop in the area had rabid fans like that. She often had signs out saying she was looking to employ staff. They always had plenty of cakes of all sizes, shapes and colors. Their cakes always looked and tasted amazing. They did custom cakes any time of the day and quickly. I recall going there to have a custom cake made for someones birthday. It was done within an hour! The manager herself was often present and hands-on, wearing flour covered aprons and plastic gloves. She was passionate about her cakes. Everybody loved her enthusiasm. Even though I’m not big into cakes, I liked going there just for the atmosphere. I realized they would never go out of Business with that Attitude.
A clothing shop nearby almost always stood empty. There was nothing special about the clothing. The staff appeared to lack interest in the shop, its products or customers. The manager was never around. The random music was loud and obnoxious so that people had a hard time hearing the salesperson speak. I went there only once to see if they had a pair of socks. But they were out of socks. So I thought, OK, let me get a white t-shirt, but they didn’t have size L, only size XS and XXXL. It struck me as odd that the shop had neither standard clothing, such as a white T Shirt in L….NOR special fashion. If it was neither this nor that, how is it going to survive? I thought to myself. And it didn’t. It went out of Business. In the local newspaper, the owner was quoted as saying “People up here just don’t appreciate good clothing”. It amazes me when people mis-assign the cause of failure of success.
The Cake Shop has what it takes because the owner has what it takes:
Passion for her Product, Love for her Customers and the Determination to be the best at what she does. With her attitude, she could thrive anywhere and with any Business. And sure enough, she eventually started shipping cakes all over the country. If you do your thing well, word starts getting around.
The town would have made a great case study in economics. There was an ice-cream shop that opened up in the town center. The day it opened, I announced “They’re not going to last half a year”. And they didn’t. There were already other excellent ice cream stands nearby and no need for another one. The owner was always present but he never smiled. Instead, he looked at young girls in a creepy way. It was obvious to the girls and the adults. As a consequence people never returned again and soon the place stood empty most of the time. How anyone could think that kind of attitude can succeed is beyond me. The guy never once looked like he was making his dream of being an ice-cream shop owner come true. Instead he had the expression of a person running some kind of front for a crime organization.
Nearby however, is a shop that will stay open for as long as the owners want it to be. The shop is nothing special, but it’s got all the electronic gadgets that people want. And even though the shop is poorly run, looks unclean and is staffed by unmotivated people, it will thrive. Why? Because there’s no other shop in town with their selection. But the moment someone else opens an electronic shop and keeps it just a little more tidy and friendly, the first shop will go out of Business.
I recall another shop that was destined to fail. It was a dolls shop. But it didn’t have that big of a selection of Dolls. Maybe 20 Dolls all in all. It seemed odd. Who leases an entire shop space only to display twenty random dolls? A few are in the window display and others are on the wall, as if they had been hung, making the shop look almost sinister. It would be an entirely different story if there were many dolls and different types of dolls or if there were toys in general. Out of curiosity I once entered and inquired. The salesperson started telling me why these handmade dolls are special and classy works of art and highly sought after. He wanted a thousand dollars per doll. I quickly left. The store was soon gone and replaced by a travel agency.
A local newspaper article asked “Not ready for avant-garde?” implying that the townspeople were too stupid to understand the greatness of the doll shop and that’s why it closed. That’s actually a common mistake in failing Businesses – blaming “stupid people”. But I’d have felt stupid had I spent a thousand Dollars for a random looking Doll.
And then there was a novelty shop that was spectacularly well done and run. I bought a hang drum, a bonzai tree and a ney flute there. Just by that selection you can tell they had a lot of uncommon stuff. There was a section for sci-fi t-shirts, a section for baseball-card collectors, a Religious Books Section, an antiquarian books section, a section for japanese anime t-shirts, a crystals section…I’ve never since seen a shop quite like it. I loved going there to discover what new weird stuff they had imported. Not only did they never go out of Business but they had customers coming from afar. Eventually they had to expand their shop by buying the property beside it.
Surely there must be something unique and in demand that YOU are really good at. So good, that you have people waiting in line to get your service or product. Everybody appreciates excellent stuff, no matter what it is. Therefore:
Whatever you are – be a good one!
A Conscious Approach to the 2020 Coronavirus
People have asked me about “the Coronavirus”. My personal approach are normal precautions I’d take in any Flu-wave. I wash my hands frequently, keep them out of my face, avoid travelling in planes for the time being, eat and live healthily and make sure I stay warm. Just common sense stuff.
Mentally, I disregard Internet and Media Panic. If you’ve been around for some time you can recall the last time similar Viruses broke out (SARS, Swine Flu) and how people panicked vs. how it turned out. Even if this time it’s much worse, there is still no reason to panic. Why? Because fear won’t do anything to stop a virus. It’ll just weaken your body. And even if its a mass epidemic, that’s still no reason to panic. Sooner or later you’ll have to make peace with the fact that life on Earth wasn’t meant to be forever. Fear quickens the decline of health. Feeling at ease and strong, benefits your Health.
For information, I don’t rely on Governments, large Health Organizations or Mass Media or other Special Interest Groups. The most reliable sort of news comes from reports of what is going on around you, locally. Being attentive to the local situation and what people around you are saying and reading local papers helps you determine the situation and what kind of precautions to take.
If you are really worried about the situation in your area, then read up on what people did to prevent illness or cure themselves. Fill your mind with stories of healing and health. Or do you have friends and family members who are afraid? In that case, fill their minds with stories of recovery.
I remain aware of the fact (as of February 2020) that only 1% to 2% of those who contract the virus, die. As tragic as that is, 98% of those who carry the Virus will recover and survive. It’s important to put things in perspective. The Ego or World-Mind (of which the “Media” is an extension), tends to over-blow death-cases and tuck away and downplay recoveries. Most likely, those who die were already in bad health to begin with.
And finally, while I mean no disrespect, I handle most mass problems with the belief “This does not apply to me”. That’s the thought-technique that I use. Does that sound arrogant? Hopefully not, because it might just be the reason I rarely get sick. I’ve been surrounded by the Flu and worse throughout my life and have mostly stayed healthy. Such reference-experiences boost my belief, and such beliefs boost my immune system. If I keep my thoughts in-check, like a reality creator, I can maintain a high degree of physical resilience. While you take normal common sense precautions, realize it’s just as important to keep the mind clear and the heart calm. That’s good advice no matter what troubles or joys the future brings.
Best Wishes and Good Health,
Something that’s been going around the Internet in the last weeks:
The current Coronavirus does originate in Wuhan. I don’t know that it’s artificially engineered though, I hope not. In any case, this is what I talk about in my new book “Time Travel” – every event was more or less accurately, predicted in books of fiction. This is only one of hundreds of examples I am aware of (a few of which I put into the book). But why? Is it because there is some plan to orchestrate these events (“predictive programming”)? Or is it, as I say in the book, a type of time travelling precognition by authors who extend their Imagination into the future? Or is it in fact that whatever a human visualizes, enters the field of probability for possible manifestation at a later date? The topic certainly requires more research.
Healing in Silence
A friend was “on retreat” for a couple of weeks. He spent all day in Meditation, Prayer and Silence. No electronics. Very little and light food and water. I asked him how he feels. He said that things he’d been struggling with for years “have just disappeared”, as if they never existed. His frequent stomach cramps, presumed “irritable bowel syndrome” are gone. A rash he had on his foot for years, simply left. His tiredness is gone, he’s energetic all day. Restless sleep is gone.
Many would consider those results, after just a few weeks,
But he doesn’t. And I don’t. It goes along with being in silence. It’s not a matter of
it’s a matter of less. Less input. Less food. Less information. Less entertainment. Less external.
Problems come from the mind creating too much stuff (thinking and speaking). With every thought and word, more is added. With silence, all is removed. When all is removed, true self shines forth.
I’m not saying that anyone who goes into retreat will be healed from everything. Nor is that the aim. The aim is to get closer to yourself and Source. Healing is a side-effect.
Silence is precious. You have the right to remain silent. When people see me, I am always talking. So they think I am a person who talks a lot. But in private, I talk very little. I’ll smile and nod, but won’t say much. Unless I am teaching, too much chatter is rarely beneficial. In silence it becomes possible
In chatter, energy is expended.
I know a lot of people who always have a radio or TV playing. Always. Especially those who are lonely. They cover up the loneliness with external chatter. And then there are couples who watch TV every evening. And I mean every evening, no exceptions. That’s because they are afraid of the silence between them. In stillness, they could feel what they really feel. A secret: When two people are silent with each other, their feelings synchronize and they start feeling the same. Unnecessary or excessive chatter often has the covert purpose of masking feelings. Don’t be afraid of the silence between you and your partner. Embrace it. Out of it comes creativity and possibility. New conversations, replacing the old. Such would never arise if you drown out your true self and stream of thought with the external “streaming service”.
I realize most people drive their cars with the radio on. I always drive with the radio off, in complete silence. I have no thoughts and feelings that I need to suppress, so silence feels really good to me. Yes, I like music, but don’t need it as a suppressant. As terrifying as silence is to some, as wonderful it is to me.
What if you are in a social situation and there’s silence? What if? Well…so what? Look how uncomfortable some people feel with it. They start looking down or playing with their necklace or desperately trying to focus on some topic to talk about. “So hows work!”, “So, has anyone seen show X?” And that’s fine. Of course it’s fine. But what if….what if there were just a moment of silence? And what if you felt comfortable with that silence? Comfortable with softly looking at others without the need to speak or be spoken to?
Meditative people have noticed that they don’t want to talk quite as much. They might be surrounded by people who keep trying to get them to talk. But if you don’t want to, you have the right to remain silent. Some meditative-types come across as unfriendly or introverted. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I am neither introverted nor unfriendly. My gaze is clear, extroverted and firm. My smile and appreciation are genuine. Thus, I do not come across as shy or introverted just because I am not babbling all the time. You can be silent and come across as being at peace. And if “how you come across” is too much a concern, let go of that too.
On the last day of the “Levels of Energy Course” in 2019, the group of students spent three hours in silence and people reported that it was the best, highest-energy part of the Course. How is it possible that “Nothing” is more effective than “Something”? Again, it’s because joy and energy are often not matters of more, but of less.
If you’re suffering from various ailments, aches, pains, frustrations, stress, overwhelm, etc. why not start by de-cluttering and getting rid of stuff? You might be surprised as my friend was when, after a few weeks of Less, he was feeling better than ever.
“OK Fred! Tell me what books I can read in order to learn about Silence! Are there workshops? What else should I know about it? Give me a list of stuff I have to do to prepare for it!”
But all that is noise. It’s the opposite of silence. You don’t need that many books, workshops, lists, techniques. What every human really needs is a connection to themselves and Source. And that can only be experienced by settling into silence. Then you can hear and see.
People Grow the most quickly when you let them BE
Should I take a hands-off approach with people or actively guide, coax, lead, inspire, influence or push them in certain directions?
In my view, it’s like with plants:
You need to water them once in a while, but other than that, you let them be and they grow by themselves.
People grow the quickest when they are loved (watered) and then let be. Tugging, pulling and twisting the plant will hurt it.
The hands-off-approach works best with healthy and sane adults. When it comes to children, troubled or sick people, some guidance is the better approach. Of course, parents always think they know better because they’ve been around longer. So if you are going to give guidance, it would be more effective if it came from optimism rather than your own negative experiences and fears. “I don’t want my kid to make the same mistake I made. I followed my dream and failed. So I’m gonna make sure they avoid dreaming and work hard to make money as early as possible”. That’s not good guidance. Just because the parent failed or succeeded in something, doesn’t mean their children will.
With healthy adults, self-responsibility is usually the long-term healthy option. Even when I know someones choice is bad, I won’t prevent them. Who am I to undermine another persons life choices? If they ask me for advice, I’ll explain why I don’t like the choice, but still won’t punish or reward either way. I’m talking about choices regarding their careers, partners, foods they eat. Normal every day stuff. I’m not talking about standing by idly while a person commits a crime. A hands-off approach can be misinterpreted as “not caring” by some people.Yes, there are some who appear tolerant because they don’t give a damn. But that’s not the place I come from. I firmly trust that giving people the space to make their own choices and learn from the consequences of their choices, is the best for their long-term development.
A good example of the ineffectiveness of domineering can be seen in overbearing mothers who try to control their kids every move, even after they are teenagers and adults. The result is, that the kids distance themselves from the mother. Trying to control a persons will never get them to like or follow you in the long run.
Many come to me for Coaching, because they are experiencing problems. Most of these problems go back to a time when they did not follow their heart but the pressures of parents or society. Had they been given the time and space to make their own choices, they’d be better off.
“But my daughter is on the verge of making a choice that will ruin her life!” an upset mother tells me. The mother didn’t want her daughter to marry “a loser”. But freedom of choice includes the freedom to make bad choices. The alternative is to have no freedom of choice. But if she has no freedom of choice, she has no responsibility for her choices either! “Do you want to deprive your daughter of becoming a responsible adult?” I asked her. Bad choices lead to learning. And there’s always the possibility that the couple will thrive. “If you are too occupied with others choices, its time you improve your own choices” I told her. It’s better to manage your own choices than trying to control others.
“But my 19 year old son is about to waste all of the money we spent 10 years saving up for him, on a complete scam!” Yeah, well…that’s a case in which intervention is acceptable. But there are different ways to intervene. To overpower the other person is not recommended. Taking away their ability to choose, is taking away their dignity and can lead to a downward spiral that is worse than the bad choice would have been. If they really want to make a poor decision, so be it. That’s how they learn. The better way to prevent it is if you had more power. If you had true inner power, you’d be more charming and convincing. I have talked many people out of bad decisions through charm and wit. Forcing people to make good decisions is ridiculous and will ultimately backfire. Some people make one bad decision after another, cascading into misfortune precisely because there is a person in their life that will not give them any space.
Unfortunately, much of society disagrees with me on this. For thousands of years, our society has been built around external control (vs. internal control). It is believed that those who use a hands-off approach lack assertiveness and strength. But my assertiveness pertains to myself. I’ll defend my own path and territory, without imposing on others. I believe in the law of attraction. Whatever people put out, they will get back. It’s not up to me to police them. It’s only those who do not believe in a balancing cosmic law, who try to control another.
The other day I pulled into the parking spot at a supermarket. A car beside me is commanding the driver to fasten her seatbelt. The robotic voice keeps repeating “Fasten Your Seatbelt!”, “Fasten Your Seatbelt”. To make it go away, she hastily fastens. And there I was, complaining about the soft beep my car makes when I don’t fasten the belt fast enough.
Something about that just doesn’t sit right with me, excuse the pun. The incident primed me for seeing the public experience from the viewpoint of external control. Just how much are we persuaded, influenced, pushed, driven, moved-to and even manipulated into things?
A minute later I see a lady just about to pick up a shopping cart when she gets a beep notification on her phone. In Pavlovian reaction, she grabs her phone in the middle of the cart isle, blocking the path for a person behind her that she took no notice of.
Entering the supermarket, there was an old, despondent 1980s song playing out of the speakers: “Owner of a lonely heart!” it kept repeating. I saw salads being sprayed with steam out of pipes. They do that to make the salad “look fresh”. Unfortunately, spraying them like that, makes them less fresh. Is there a single customer who actively chose to have less fresh food? Probably not. It’s a reality that’s forced upon them.
I go to self-check-out to avoid long lines. There, the machine is telling me “Unknown item detected! Unknown item detected! Unknown item detected! Unknown item detected!” It says so at least a dozen times before a check-out assistant deactivates it. At the same time there is a TV Screen above the head telling me not to forget to buy Chips!
I marvel at all the external influence being pushed on such a short walk.
All of these incidents are small. If they stood alone, they’d be insignificant. But in accumulation, they come down to mental harassment. Has there ever been a person who said “Yes..I want my car to talk to me and tell me to fasten my seatbelt! Great idea! I’d forget if my car doesn’t keep telling me over and over!” Has anyone ever said “Yes, please show me a bunch of obnixiousTV ads when I take a taxi ride!” or “Please, when I visit a website to look up stuff for my physics exam, I also want pop-ups to appear that urge me to buy a pair of sneakers!” Have you ever heard anyone log into Youtube and say “I hope I can see one more of those Grammarly ads! That would be neat!” Which is why Youtube has lost hundreds of Millions of viewers to sites where people can watch the same videos without the ads.
Forced attention is not only unpleasant, its also bad for Business. There is no benefit to it at all. That kind of “influence” doesn’t even work, except for the apathetic and gullible.
Does that mean that there are a lot of people who don’t care about making peoples experiences pleasant? I guess so. Just like there are plenty who settle for the less-than-pleasant.
Misanthropes think people are too stupid to be left to their own devices, so they must be influenced, guided, told what to do. But this rule only applies to undeveloped minds (children and criminals). Most people develop the most quickly when they are left alone, without influence or even intervention. If there is any external guidance, it should only be upon request and with their consent. The only time I actively influence people is when I’ve been paid to do so. Education and learning is when I choose to be influenced by something that interests me.
Where did this idea come from that you have to take responsibility for others lives or steer their choices? I don’t know. All I know is that our unenlightened society is crafted around attempted influence. And the most effective form of influence is subtle.
I arrive home and both my computers and my website demand that I spend 15 minutes installing various updates. Didn’t I just do updates the other day? In my mailbox I have a letter informing me that I cannot operate a wind-turbine on my property, due to some law or other. The wind-turbine would have been barely visible to others, would harm no one and allow me to self-sufficiently produce energy. It seems absurd that there are people out there, who is actively oppose my self-sufficiency.
Before we criticize others for over-regulating our lives, we need to look within and find that the desire-to-control-others is inherent in the Ego. I’ve been watching mine for decades. Whenever I felt the urge to tell someone what to think, how to feel, what to do, I consciously let go. If I project unto my child, wife, student or anyone else that they “need to change”, I will actually inhibit their growth. Why? Because the mere thought implies that they are unworthy, imperfect, no good and instead “will” be good if they follow prescribed changes. My people-formula is this:
Let go of thinking someone has to change and love them just as they are…while seeing them as they would like to be!
If I see “unwanted” behavior in a person, I can envision a better version of the person. As amazing as this sounds, I will begin experiencing a better version of them. Given space, people develop their full talent and creative power. If you hold people in a positive light, then letting people BE is the best thing you can do.
That’s not the same thing as being passive. You can be clear on what you prefer and need. Pay attention here, because disagreement with someone does not equal influence. That’s a common misinterpretation and one of the reasons people get confused over external vs. internal control. “I don’t ilke when you do X. I’d prefer you do Y”. That doesn’t mean I am demanding someone change. I am stating my preference. The two shouldn’t be mistaken. If I tell you “I don’t like those kind of outfits”, referring to your clothes, I am not asking you to change your outfit, I am stating preference. If you take it to mean that I want you to change your outfit, that’s your choice. Note that the wording was not “You need to change that outfit”, it is “I don’t like that outfit”. Yes, some people will actually feel “You need to change it” while saying “I don’t like it“. And most people will react as in “I need to change it!” if another says “I don’t like it”. But if we are dealing with mature people, disagreement and influence won’t be equated.
For example, my partner knows me well enough that if I say I don’t like something, it does not mean I expect her to change it. For example, I was in disagreement of her pursuing a particular career path. I explained that I didn’t think it fit to her talents. But she chose that path anyway and once she did, I supported her choice fully. I used wit and charm to try to talk her out of it, but did not succeed in that case. A control-freak would have approached the subject differently. He’d have withdrawn love and support just because his partner has a different opinion. That’s pretty crazy, but there are plenty of people like that around…the boss you are not allowed to criticize lest you get fired, for example. If there is anyone in your life that you are afraid to criticize or question because of repercussions, get them out of your life asap. You don’t need the negative in your life.
Nor would I allow undue influence over me. I’ll listen to opinions but in the end, I make a choice that suits me. That’s assertiveness. Assertiveness is not trying to force others to think or do a certain thing. It’s staying true to ones own path. Influencing self, not others.
Let’s use an extreme (if unrealistic) example to see how this plays out. Let’s say we are going to a funeral and you are wearing a Bikini. I’ll say “I don’t like your outfit. It’s inappropriate for a funeral”. You might say: “Stop trying to change who I am! I want to wear this!”. But I am not. I am merely stating my preference. When we arrive at the funeral, I will neither apologize for your outfit, nor support it. I am not responsible for you.
You might say: But she is ruining the reputation of my family by wearing this bikini to a funeral! Its outrageous! And I say: That’s tribal thinking. It’s the thinking that says that someone elses behavior reflects upon me, just because we are related. If you wish to create your own reality, you should cut lose from associating with the beliefs of being a certain way just because others from your tribe, family, group, company, class, race, culture are that way. And what if it were my own wife that behaves in this way? Surely people will start saying “Freds wife is strange. She goes to funerals in a Bikini. They show total disrespect to the grieving family!”. Yes, it could reflect badly on me, from other peoples eyes. But, living in the self-responsible mindset, I don’t give credence to how others see me. Peoples gossip means nothing. I am responsible for how I act. They are responsible for what they think. I have conducted myself respectfully at the funeral, because that’s who I am. There might be men at the funeral saying “You need to reign your wife in!” to which I think: “She’s not a horse” I am using this extreme example of a bikini and a funeral to show how society is run by the idea that we need to make choices for others so that everyone fits in and conforms.
The likely scenario here, is that I show up at the funeral separately and won’t walk around with her. I also reconsider going with her anywhere with her. But isn’t that influencing her decision, by distancing myself from her? No, it’s allowing myself to BE who I am. She has the right to BE whoever she wants to BE and I have the right to BE who I am. If these people are grieving, I believe in respecting their space. That’s who I am. From this example you can see that the “letting people BE” philosophy can only work effectively, if you are clear in your own values and preferences. Otherwise, overdone tolerance turns into apathy. Then I’ll be showing up at the funeral arm in arm with my bikini clad wife, suppressing my own disagreement with whats going on.
As extreme as this example is, it applies to everyone in everyday life. It’s more mature and effective to grant others freedom of choice. And it’s also more mature and effective to realize that disagreement does not equal withdrawal of love or attempted influence.
Many of the views society conforms to, haven’t been thought through. They were merely followed because “they say so”. Who ever said that a funeral is a sad event? That death means loss? What if death is rebirth at a better place and cause for celebration? Who are these mysterious “they” that people keep talking about? “They say the economy is going down”. When someone tells me that, I ask to know who “they” are. There is no such thing as “they”. But as long as this family believes that funerals are to be formal and somber, I’ll respect their space.
The only time anyone should be taking control is when that is requested of them, when it is their Business and Job. Or with Children. But some think that adults require the same kind of guidance that children do. Spouses then treat each other like parents and Bosses treat their employees like children and Governments treat their public like morons. Seeing and treating people this way, doesn’t help them grow. What makes people grow most quickly is a) letting them BE while b) Seeing them as trustworthy, reliable, successful, amazing. If you see everyone as stupid, unconscious and immature, you’re not going to have a very good time with people. If you are having problems of control or communication with anyone, then pay close attention to how you see them. What image of them are you holding on to? The best thing you can do is change the inner image you have of the person. That will change your feeling and the way you talk with them. Paradoxically, people who can let go of external influence and control, have much more influence and control. I’m a good example of this. I have no interest in controlling other peoples thoughts or actions and yet, my entire career is around influencing people. It’s actually very easy to influence people if you are charming and fun. Much easier than if you are judgmental and angry.
The ideal state is to be tolerant with others and a little stricter with yourself. Especially when you see the need for change in others, first try to change that thing in yourself. If for example I think someone else should be more disciplined, I revert my attention back to myself to see whether I could be more disciplined. If I see another lacks compassion, I look within to see whether I lack compassion. Your whole world works more smoothly when you focus on improving yourself instead of trying to fix others. What do you think is more effective – berating someone for how they live, or setting a good example?
So can you let go of trying to change that other person in your life?
And can you love that person as they are?
And can you start seeing them the way they’d like to be?
How to Create a New State in 10 Minutes
If you are doing what you are meant to be doing, there is no need to state-changing exercises. You’ll naturally be in good flow from the moment you wake up and it’ll last all day. There might be the need for a break, nap or food, which will restore your energy. But most people are not in a higher-self flow. In that case, use one of the methods below to create a new state.
Step 1: Settle Down and Center Yourself
A few examples of preparatory energy-alignment:
- Breathing into your stomach for a minute or two
- Tapping the thymus gland three times while voicing “Ha, Ha, Ha”
- Closing your eyes and focusing on someone you love.
- Placing your hand on your heartbeat region and just feeling what you feel for a minute or two.
Those are examples, there are many, many more. This may, in and of itself, already create a better state. Why not try all four examples right now and see how you feel.
Step 2: Choose a state you wish to create and phrase it so that it starts with “I am”. Examples:
- I am happy
- I am relaxed
- I am focused
- I am forgiving
- I am amused
- I am blissful
- I am confident
Choose one only, for the whole process, and stick with it.
Step 3: Emulate the State
- Take on the Body Posture you’d have if you were in that state.
- Ask Yourself Why you Want this state and answer.
- Ask Yourself why you believe you can have this state and answer.
- Remember having had this state. Feel that. See what it looks like and hear what it sounds like.
- Remember or think of other people also being in this state.
- Voice the statement, followed by a deep breathe into the stomach. Repeat this 3 times.
- If there is a previous state, negative state or any doubts about maintaining this state, voice these now. If you think something is needed before you deserve to have this state, voice that too.
- Voice the preferred state again, followed by a deep stomach breathe. Repeat 3 times.
Step 4: Immerse Yourself into the State
Lovingly place your right hand on either your forehead or heart-region and ask yourself:
- What are my thoughts while in this state?
- What do I feel while in this state?
- How do I act while in this state?
- How do I walk while in this state?
- How do I talk while in this state?
- Whats my facial expression while in this state?
- How do I breathe while in this state?
- Where is my attention while in this state?
- If this state is normal, can I now let go and allow it to develop on its own?
There are many variations in which this state-changer could be practiced. Each step could be expanded or shortened. Each step by itself could be a state-changer.
Please note that if you are doing something fundamentally wrong, such as bad nutrition, mistreatment of people, harboring addictions, etc. then the new state won’t last long. You’ll first have to correct the negative pattern. The worse your overall situation is, the more repetitions are required to stabilize a new state.
I recommend you try the whole process several times, with several different states. It’s fun to experience different states. It’s fun to create them. It’s even fun to learn how to do this. Ultimately it’s a matter of focus. You focus on a state, and it arises.If you don’t know which state to create, think of a person you admire and ask yourself which state you imagine they have. In step three you are using your Imagination. When doing so, you can brighten or intensify the color of what you are imagining, you can intensify the sounds, the smell, the taste, the texture, etc. That will increase the state.
Changing your state can take 20 minutes, 10 minutes, 1 minute or even just a few seconds. That depends on many factors, such as your mood on that day, whether the state you chose is close to you or not, your level of practice, etc.
Enjoy your New State…
Are Humans Being Grown and Harvested?
In my 2019 Book “The Pleiades and Our Secret Destiny” I wrote the following:
If these veils were not firmly ingrained in our minds, we’d be free and already part of a galactic society of peace and prosperity. Free energy, interstellar travel, teleportation, instant healing and possibly even time travel would not be mocked as “impossible” but considered normal, or at least worthy of research.
The problem with that is that then Planet Earth would no longer be a place where souls come to balance out negative karma. It would no longer be a place of harvesting a select few every couple of thousand years. So there is a positive purpose to hiding the greater truths from us, one of them being: It is our task, as individuals, to regain them.
What? Did this author just say humans are harvested? Yes, he did. And if you look at the big picture, it doesn’t sound all that crazy. Charles Darwin tells of a process of “natural selection” and “survival of the fittest”. Religion tells us that only the pure reach Heaven. Can you see how both of these stories essentially refer to a process of selection?
The idea that humans are crop to be grown and harvested can seem scary or inspiring, depending on your viewpoint. Just like the image above can appear either scary or beautiful, depending on viewpoint and context.
The concept of Harvest is scary when it’s portrayed like in the 1999 movie “The Matrix” where humans are artificially grown and their energy harvested like batteries. It is inspiring when we imagine it as a kind of game-show where we do our best to “get selected”. One is what I call the Gnostic point of view, the other is the Abrahamic point of view
So is life on Earth like a contest where you go through different tests and levels? Is that why we have such a fascination with shows like ‘American Idol’ or sports competitions? Or is it more of a conspiracy and we are caught on a prison planet? Or is it neither? It’s wise to consider every possibility. A mind that fixes itself on one answer and no longer entertains other possibilities, loses awareness.
Our most famous ancient scriptures seem to hint at the possibility that we are grown and harvested. The most famous example is the story of Noah and the Flood, which involved keeping the “best seed alive” while destroying the rest. The Bible says it’s going to happen again “at the end of the age”. Jesus kept speaking about fields and harvest until finally, in Matthew 13:36-39 he explained:
Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.” He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.”
According to this, the purpose of life on earth is to grow humans and then harvest their souls. In this context it’s interesting to note that, across many cultures, “death” is often portrayed as a Being holding a sickle (such as “The Grim Reaper” in my culture).
And the idea is not limited to Abrahamic Religion. Buddhist sources say this about Enlightenment:
“Buddhism of the Harvest: The Buddhism directed toward the salvation of those who received the seeds of Buddhahood in their lives through the practice of Buddhism in their past existences. The process by which The Buddha leads people to Enlightenment may be divided into three stages called sowing, maturing, and harvesting” Source
Is that to say that if I achieve the “Enlightenment”, I’m ripe for harvesting?
And what if this has gone on over many ages? If you recall my books on Atlantis, there are accounts of many civilizations having come and gone over the last hundreds of thousands of years. Mythology tells us of many human and human-like cultures being created and destroyed. Some, such as those of the Mayans, the Egyptians and the Sumerians, speak of a few specimen being saved before the rest were discarded in global cataclysmic destruction.
So is earth merely a Laboratory for growing quality-human?
And if it’s true that we are being grown and harvested: Is it as food for an alien race? Or is it to join a heavenly realm as worthy members? Big difference.
I don’t know the answer to these questions. Because I’m a happy person, I prefer to believe that life is school and those who learn its lessons move up to the next level in the afterlife. It’s like job-training. Then, in the afterlife, you get the job. That’s pretty long job-training, isn’t it? This Belief is true to me, based on everything I have read and experienced. I don’t believe we are food for aliens, at least not our souls.
Even if it weren’t true that life is a school, it’s a useful thing to believe, because it ensures a personal investment in growth. If I believed that my destiny is to be eaten by some alien, it all wouldn’t matter. You know that some schools of thought actually believe in this? Carlos Castaneda, a bestselling and very popular shamanic author of the 70s to 90s, believed that we are destined to be eaten up after we die, unless we achieve certain spiritual powers to avert it at the moment of death. I read the books as a teenager, but was never happy with their pessimistic outlook. Sadly, Castanedas fame ended when in the late 90s several of his companions were found dead at different places, having commit suicide. That’s a good example of how I pursuing negative belief-systems usually ends in negative results. No surprise there.
If I’ll imagine anything negative, it has to be to my benefit. I’ll imagine that my negative emotions – fear and hate – are food for negative beings. That helps me steer clear of those emotions.
Ridiculously optimistic beliefs tend to attract beneficial health, wealth and well-being into your life. So go ahead and live your life as if a harvest is coming and you;d like to be chosen, if that gives your life context and purpose. But if it doesn’t empower you, if it puts you under pressure or makes you obsess about perfection or feel guilty when you make a mistake, then drop the belief. Beliefs are not set in stone, they are vehicles to get you from one place to another.
So when is the next harvest due? That doesn’t matter. This whole thing about “end times” and “last days” seems like an Ego-Preoccupation to me. All predicted dates for the end of the world have turned out to be false and new ones made every year. What’s the point? Your true self just wants to enjoy the today with no worry of tomorrow. It doesn’t want to prepare for the worst by stocking up on supplies and reading doomsday materials. It wants to live in the trust that all is well. It’s the Ego that’s eventually going to die, so it’s naturally worried about anything. But your essence never dies. Abide in your essence and all will always be well.
Here’s another optimistic thought: Winning the game of life and moving on up to the next level is easy: Be Loving. That’s not too much asked, right?
It feels good to give people right of way
It feels good to give people right of way:
- Someone wants to pull out of a driveway. You stop and let them exit.
- Your shopping cart vs theirs. You stop yours to give the other right of way.
- Your hand reaches for the food tray the same time as theirs. You remove your hand and let them have first pick.
- People are fighting over who gets the last toilet papers in a supermarket. You let them have it and go your way.
- Someone is trying to pass on the road. You make way for them.
- Both of you begin talking at the same time. You stop and motion for the other to speak first while you listen attentively.
If it’s so good to give right of way, why then do so many try to be first? Because they feel lack. Those with a need to be first, aren’t. That’s why there is a special power in giving right of way. Those who do-not-have, impatiently try to get. And those who have, will be happy to give others right of way. You are only concerned about “getting yours” when you feel a lack. Where there is no lack, there is no need to have it, get it or get there first.
Giving right of way is great, but don’t generalize this teaching. I wouldn’t give this advice to a timid person. Nor would I always give right-of-way to ill-intended people (but sometimes I do, because the ill-intended subconsciously sabotage themselves somewhere down the line).
The giving-right-of-way I am talking about here, does not come from timidity, it comes from Abundance. Abundance is Having-ness. You have time, so you let someone drive before you. You have wholeness, so you let someone grab the food before you. You have confidence, so you let the other talk first. It does not reduce your status. The other person is relieved and you have time to observe and consider. Perhaps you didn’t really want the food and were only grabbing it out of habit? Perhaps you didn’t want to talk and were only starting to because it was expected? Giving right-of-way has the added advantage of giving you some extra time and space to consider your choice. But when you are too eager to “get there first”, you’re usually on-autopilot.
It is not a weakness, it’s a virtue. You are giving right-of-way. It’s something you are giving. That means it’s something you have. Taking, demanding or forcing right-of-way comes from a place of not-having. Even if taking-right-of-way makes you feel better initially, it doesn’t feel that good in the long run. Have you ever persuaded someone to do something they didn’t want? Perhaps go to the movies even though they didn’t want to? How satisfying did it feel when they did it? Probably not that satisfying. You probably had the feeling you’d have to “make up for it” or be a particularly entertaining host. Had they come voluntarily instead of persuaded by you, the evening would have been so much more pleasant.
You can also give the Universe, right of way. I teach “the law of attraction”, not the law of impatiently trying to force it. Things come at just the right time. There is no need to worry, run after it, him, or her. It’s all easier than you think. Send out an intention, and then give the Universe right of way. Allow it to find the best way to serve you and manifest. Sow many seeds but then leave them alone and see which grow. If you keep digging out the seed to see whats happening, it won’t grow. If you tug at the plant it won’t grow faster. Give right of way.
Here’s a nice little exercise: Write down a list of things you intend to do this week. That’s your normal to-do list. Then write a list of things you’d like the Universe itself to take care of for you. Many have a hard time imagining that a lot of things can turn out to their benefit, without them actively doing anything. We generally do too much. Consider all the things in life that take care of themselves, given enough time. There’s a little trick I have used with my students-in-coaching over the years. If they write to me in dire need or in a really bad state, I sometimes wait an extra day or two before I respond. And Lo and Behold, I’ll usually find them in a much better state then, and I didn’t even have to do anything. That’s because most negative states are illusory and temporary. If I wait an extra day, they’ll usually disappear. Before intervening, I give the Universe right-of-way.
You don’t need that much entertainment
The current Virus situation, is the first time in a long time that people are staying home, settling down, being with their loved ones, away from the work-and-entertainment cycle. Bread and Circus events such as Football Games, Amusement Parks, Arcades, Concerts, Movie Theaters as well as the Corporate Office Cubicle are temporarily suspended. It’s been a long time since people had the opportunity to settle down.
That’s a good thing. As horrible as the Virus is, all are now compelled to face the vulnerability of the body and the transient nature of life on Earth. Awareness expands to the spiritual questions of life, questions that had been covered by the endless work-entertainment-cycle (getting up, going to work, coming home, entertainment, getting up, going to work, coming home, entertainment, etc.) You realize just how important health, kindness, care and cooperation are and how life was arrogantly taken for granted. Because I’m already in spiritual flow in times of abundance, I don’t have trouble adjusting in a time of crisis. I’m used to times without work or entertainment because I have imposed such times on myself periodically.
Not everyone makes use of this time for evaluation and re-calibration. Netflix, Amazon and Gaming have skyrocketed in the last few weeks. Many are replacing one distraction (work) with another distraction (entertainment). Because…besides work and entertainment…what is there, right?
I have experienced blissfully high states of consciousness throughout spiritual retreats in my life, making anything on Earth pale by comparison. I’ve seen colors that don’t exist on earth, sounds never heard, sights beyond imagination. There are realms of such intense joy and brightness one wonders how anything on Earth will ever be of interest again. I have taught how to explore and attain these states in my books. But the first gate to these realms is silence. The silence that people keep covering up through their excessive work and entertainment.
But honestly: How much work do you really need? And how much entertainment do you really need? The two seem to be related: The more you work on a mundane job you don’t like, the more entertainment you’ll need to distract yourself from the fact. But if you do work that nourishes, less distraction is needed.
The root of the word “entertain” is to “hold someones attention”. Imagine a monk or mystic who sits in front of a white wall all day or kneels in prayer all day. Nothing external is holding their attention. They are holding their own attention. They require no external input to feel alive and reach exceedingly high levels of energy. One who depends on external stimuli to feel, is simply exhausted. When one is exhausted, that’s a good time to use entertainment. It then follows that using entertainment too frequently, creates a mental laziness, loss of creativity and purpose. If you take away their entertainment some people don’t know what to do! The electricity goes out and Wifi is gone and they don’t know what to do. But if Internet and Electricity were to go out for a few weeks, peoples perceptive powers would increase dramatically.
If you wish to ascend, you don’t need quite as much entertainment as is considered “normal”. Latest stats say that a teenager spends an average of 11 hours a day online. That’s a whole life plugged in. Where is there space for anything else? And that person will ask: What else? What else is there? That’s the funny part. Once you have invested a lot of attention into a thing, you start forgetting that anything else exists. Going outside and doing sports, crafts, painting, being in nature, hanging out with friends or family…none of that is “real” anymore. Much less spiritual practice. But there is certainly is more to life. This is Maslows “Hierarchy of Needs”. Notice how the “Entertainment” so many spend much of their time with, is not even listed:
In addition to all the online gaming and browsing, the average American watches about 7 movies a month, which is an average of 14 hours of movie watching. Counting only people below the age of 25, it’s double the amount (14 movies of 28 hours). How many stories can you cram into that mind of yours? Does it not lower your appreciation of one movie if you watch several, just like it lowers your appreciation of one food if you eat too much? The reason movies were such high experiences when you were a kid, is because you hadn’t seen that many. Movies are second-hand experiences. They cannot replace your own first-hand experience.
I’m not opposed to work and entertainment. I’m just saying that there is more to life. You’re not just some piece of meat or a robot to be sent to labor and then fed entertainment in your time off. Finding purpose and inner peace beyond entertainment can be rewarding. It can also bring you success and abundance. While one is watching their 20 000th TV-Show, another is making their tenth Million. But making ones 10th Million is a matter of work, right? Wrong. Work is only the last part of it. The first part is having the time and silence for creative thought. The working part is executing what was thought up. The main part of success is internal, not external.
Stay inside and stay healthy. And I don’t only mean staying inside your home during the virus crisis, but staying inside yourself to make the best use of this Crisis, to re-evaluate your priorities and direction of your life.
Some Coronavirus Reactions are more dangerous than the Virus itself
Sure, the virus is deadly. Yes, the lock-down in many areas, are justified. It’s good for people not to mingle in crowds. I agree.
But some Governments that are going way beyond their call of duty, using the virus-scare to implement every draconian measure they have, as if they’ve been eager to roll out comprehensive population control.
The Virus is a concern, no doubt. But some of the reactions seem an even greater concern. Recent reports from various parts of the world:
- A Government asking people to spy on their neighbors to report any social mingling (just like in communist and fascist dictatorships)
- A Government changing laws to make it legal for peoples locations to be tracked through their phones (supposedly to monitor the spread of the virus)
- A Government making it mandatory to own a phone (so that you and your behavior can be tracked and monitored)
- Suggestions of implanting citizens with a Chip to show whether they have required vaccines or not
- Reports that “after the crisis, society will have to change radically and we will have to do without many of the freedoms we were used to”.
Funny how, at the slightest sign of crisis, the jackboots come out. A society run by fear always seeks more control. The problem is that excessive control never stops bad things from happening. Fear/Control cause more bad things to happen. It’s one of the spiritual rules of energy.
To give you an idea of how Draconian some of these reactions are: Imagine you are a teenager. You go out. You come back home late. Next day you get terribly sick. Your mother reacts and says: “OK, that’s it. You will never go out again”. That’s overreaction. Is it going to keep you healthy? No. It’s going to make you sick. The decision is made from fear. It assumes that life is meant to be perfect and always safe and that restricting freedom is a means to keep it that way. If you want to know how badly societies do that are run on this control-paradigm, look no further than China. Societal control there is pervasive and they still couldn’t stop these viruses from spreading.
History has proven a million times that total control is the wrong response to crisis. The correct response to crisis is fearlessness, increased love, increased responsibility and increased awareness. This applies to a crisis in your personal life as well as the collective crisis we currently find ourselves in. A fearless and loving approach would ask more questions about the causes of this crisis. It would hold those who caused it, accountable. It would focus on researching medical and spiritual solutions (unfortunately, most people still think that everything is a biological and physical problem, rather than a problem of consciousness). That’s why, once this crisis has passed, it’s important to loosen the restrictions. How hard is it to understand that even if something is truly dangerous, such as this virus, that fear is not the solution?
Having listed some negative news, I’ll end this article with two pieces of optimistic news.
One is the fact that, while death rates of the virus are still increasing in some countries (but already declining in others!), overall death-rates are declining because everyone is staying home. Car accidents, accidents through electric gadgets, heart attacks through stress…all of that is in steep decline because people are relaxing in their homes.
Here’s another, fairly optimistic one, a prediction made in 2008:
Wishing everyone a relaxing and healthy lock-down 🙂
Nutrition and Energy Levels
I’m no nutritionist or medical doctor. But I am a researcher in Energy Levels. In my Levels of Energy books I wrote that Nutrition makes up 30% of your energy level. The rest is determined by emotional state, direction of attention, thoughts and beliefs, surroundings, the quality of your goals and activities and also your general physical fitness.
Some of my readers ignore food and only pursue energy-raising through psycho-spiritual means. But these 30% are significant. With nutritious, right-for-you food, keeping good energy and health is easier.
So what foods are and are not good? Well, telling you would be inappropriate. What applies to me, doesn’t need to apply to you. But what I can tell you is that I have witnessed changes in nutrition, in students of mine, lead to the following:
- No more bloating
- Heightened Energy
- Reduced General Illness
- Improved Sleep
- Weight Loss (without calorie reduction, just changing the types of food)
- Removal of Aches and Pains
- More Lightness
- Removal of Mental Fog and Attention Deficit
I’m sure the list is longer, but I’m only listing things I have personally accompanied. Another thing that is for sure is that the food advice provided by doctors, health organizations, media and diet and fitness experts is not necessarily true for your individual case.
Don’t be lazy and just take whatever you read in the first Search-Engine results. Much of the standard food advice going around is sponsored by the food industry itself. Pay no attention to it and make your own experiences instead. One cannot generalize that “eating veggies and fruit is good” or “eating meat is good” or “eating dairy is good” or “eating carbs is good”. I have seen any of these either improve or reduce health and energy in people when added or eliminated. Often, it is not either of these foods that is good or bad, but a) the way they were produced and processed and b) our non-blessing or blessing attitude toward food and c) our own lifestyle which makes one type of food preferable to another (whether you are a bodybuilder or a librarian will make a difference in what foods you need).
It’s well worth it to take some time to research a little more deeply what’s good and nutritious for you. Does it make sense to you that what you put into your body every day, has an effect on your energy levels? If so, then it also makes sense to invest some study-time into it.
In your conscious exploration of nutrition, pay attention to how you FEEL
- Before Eating Something
- After Eating Something
If you pay close attention, you will find that many modern “foods” seem appealing, good, nutritious or even healthy before we eat them. We desire them or we have been taught that they are good for us. But if we really pay close attention to the body, a lot of these foods do not help us feel energized. They might make us feel agitated, nervous, heavy, bloated or foggy. If you are in touch with the body and able to breathe with it, you will catch on to this rather quickly. I highly recommend you do this for a couple of weeks, once a day for lunch or dinner. Take a minute to feel before. And a minute to feel after. And perhaps another check 30 minutes after eating and another 60 minutes later. Also take note of how the food digests. Food that is good for you, digests easily.
The right foods for you are foods that you LIKE….30 minutes after eating them!
No matter how good or healthy or yummy you think the food is that you are eating, your body doesn’t lie. The Internet is full of lies, but the body doesn’t lie. The body gives you immediate feedback of what you are actually experiencing, regardless of anyones claims. Many people have become expert at suppressing their physical sensations and signals. But once they become honest and LOOK, they see the truth. Moreover, if your body is overweight, out of shape or you consider having aches and pains a “normal” part of life, the likelihood is high that you are not eating the things that your body really wants.
One of the best ways to find out what foods your body responds to the best, is through elimination. I have done elimination experiments with myself many times in the past years. One week I’d eliminate all foods except for fish. That was one of the best weeks…rarely felt better. Another week I had only dairy. That was not a good week, which surprised me because I love dairy the most. I love my cheese, milk and yogurt. But it’s not that good for my body, no matter how much I love it. I recall when I was 12 years old, a school teacher of mine saying: “Fred, you are so healthy because you drink a lot of milk!”. That stuck with me. But the truth is, that once I reduced dairy, my overall energy level improved. My longest elimination experiments were with vegetables and fruits, which I ate for 3 months straight and meat-and-eggs-only which I did for six months. The veggie-only diet made me physically miserable, the meat-only diet was good for me physically, but not ideal for lightness in my meditation-practice. Please spare me the messages telling me why either of these diets is good. If its good for YOU, that’s great.
Through repeated elimination and experimentation, I found the foods that are just right for me and my activities. I will not share my diet here, because it’s not for copying. I’m asking you to research what is right-for-YOU. I even know the portion sizes that give me energy vs take energy. I know at what times of the day a certain food provides energy and what time of day it takes energy. And I also know when it’s time to shift diet due to energy-habituation.
All the food advice I ever got was wrong. Not because it was bad, but because it didn’t apply to me. Your body and lifestyle are unique. There is no other like you. Why do you assume someone else can give you advice over what you should be eating? Isn’t that something you should be able to feel on your own? Your ideal foods are not necessarily what you want, like and love before you eat. But they are always what you like and love after you eat. You feel it afterwards. It’s either a satisfied lightness or a dull heaviness and many levels of those.
Return on Energy Investment
What do Video-Gamers and Gym-Goers have in common?
They expend energy without building anything tangible in physical reality.
The Video-Gamer argues that he learns skills such as focus, reaction, problem solving and resource management. And the Gym goers argue that they do have tangible results – a healthier and more attractive body. And these can be used to achieve other results in real life. And that’s great. I’m not judging you. But these are still, to some extent, substitute activities.
I know a guy who plays video games excessively. He’s super-expert, but struggling financially. Where there is financial trouble, there is usually a distorted thought-process: “I couldn’t find a job. Bad job market. That’s why I play video games all day. Better than just sitting around. At least I’m keeping my mind sharp!”. But what if he had invested all that energy (time and attention) into another game – the stock market game – for example? He’d reach super-expert level and have tangible cash results by now.
I know another who goes to the Gym three times a week, but his house and garden are a mess. His roof shingles are falling apart, his fence could use a rebuild. What if he started re-directing all that energy he puts into weight-lifting, into fixing up his place instead? He’d get the good body shape PLUS an even more tangible result. Well, it turns out that’s precisely what he started doing when the virus lock-down prevented him from going to the Gym. His house has never looked prettier.
The Treadmill is symbolic of how a lot of us live their lives, expending a lot of energy without getting anywhere. That’s why regular employment is sometimes aptly referred to as “the treadmill”. Or maybe it’s more of a hamster-wheel in which the energy generated, benefits the Boss.
I’m not denigrating such activities. Or am I? No, I engage in them too. I spend about 7 hours a week playing tennis. That too, is expending a lot of energy without producing anything of benefit. I do so for FUN. Not everything needs to be useful. Even so, it’s useful for my health. As is going to the Gym.
But most of the time, I
don’t spend energy but invest it.
Which is an attitude that brings success and abundance. Writing this little article is investing energy. In December, I collect all my articles of that year and turn them into a book. That’s a tangible, physical result that benefits both others and myself long term.
You may have noticed that, as of 2020, I stopped offering short-term Coaching and now only offer longer term. People have asked me why. Well, in 2019, being overbooked, I did about 700 (!) short-term Coaching-Sessions. If I had continued, I’d be burned out and used up by the end of 2020 and would benefit no one. So instead of doing a lot of one-on-one sessions, as I have done for the last 25 years, I shifted to doing more large-group sessions. In the last 3 months I have done 5 webinars (4 of them private companies) in which I have reached 1500 people. That’s way more people with way less work, in a much shorter time. That’s
more results, with less energy expended.
And that’s the definition of being economical. My life is geared at achieving greater and greater levels of abundance in health, wealth and happiness, at less and less effort and helping others achieve the same.
And if in these days of “virus lockdown” you are out of a job, then you are rich and abundant in time. Use it wisely to determine where to invest it. If you are financially struggling due to the lock-down, it is now the time to know that it’s not wise to be dependent on only one source of income or to only have active income (rather than passive income). I said as much in my book “Magnetic Wealth Attraction“, but perhaps in these strange times, the advice is taken more seriously. Learn now, so that you become somewhat independent of the collective woes.
To make it all even clearer, I leave you with this chart…
Complaining will not get you a return on energy investment. Being neutral may or may not. But flowing appreciation will always help you attract good things. Masturbation is a spending of energy, without tangible benefit. Loveless Sex usually also leads to feeling drained afterwards, but some might benefit from it. But loving sex always results in a surplus of energy after (in case you have’t yet noticed). Not reading will get you no return. Reading will get you a return of knowledge. And writing will get you a return of skill and possibly more. Investing time into uninterested students, customers or clients will get you no return. But dedicating yourself to self-motivated students, clients, customers will get lead to great satisfaction.
Invest therefore, in that which yields a return.
Not the Head but the Chest is your Center
Essence dwells more in the chest than the head. You are more heart than mind. In search of your “real self” you might look more at the thymus-gland, the heartbeat-area, the solar plexus and the center of the chest than looking at the head. No, you are not limited to or inside of the chest, but it’s closer to what we call “The Soul” than the brain. Modern “science” assumes consciousness is somewhere in the head. Neurologists, Chemists, Psychiatrists, Psychologists….most of them work under this assumption. But looking for consciousness in the head is like looking inside a radio for the announcer. You are not the brain.
When you point to yourself, saying “I am…”, are you pointing at your head or your chest? Most likely, you point at your chest. This applies across all cultures across the globe. Nobody points to their head, saying “My name is…”.
When you feel love, do you feel it in your head or chest? Normally, it comes from the chest. People who are too much “in their head” have difficulty feeling love or relaxing.
When you feel kindness, sadness and grief, is it felt more in the head or chest? Your deepest emotions usually originate around the thymus gland. Your heart and thymus gland region could almost be considered “the real brain”.
Your courage…is it something that comes from the head or the chest? When you feel courageous, you usually feel a widening of your chest.
When you wish to reveal your innermost thoughts you say “I want to get something off of my chest”, not “I need to get something out of my mind”.
Warriors and Fighters who wish to boost their energy, beat against their chest several times, activating their energy centers.
The most fundamental things in your life – your emotions, your love, your identity and your courage come from the chest. The head and brain only come into play when you’re calculating, figuring out or analyzing. I suggest that brain is secondary and heart is your primary center, within the physical body. Your essence is neither. The body is contained within who you are, you are not contained within the body.
The importance of the chest is also encoded in all the major World Religions (Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism), which are significantly more credible when it comes to the nature of our Being, than modern science.
In Hinduism, the chest is known to have the most amount of Chakras (energy-centers), more than any other part of the body. Most importantly, the chest is the seat of the Heart-Chakra.
In Buddhism, all good things come from Compassion of the Heart. The mind, on the other hand, is treated as something to transcend. Buddha is often depicted with a swastika on his chest. The swastika (which means “auspicious” in Sanskrit) for the Buddhists, symbolizes divine energy-movement.
The ancient Hebrews had a “priestly Breastplate” which contained mystical stones called “Urim and Thummin”, which were used to communicate with God. How about that? Communication with God was through the Chest.
The Quran mentions the heart or chest 132 times and says that it has the capacity to see, understand, reason, intend and decide.
The Bible teaches that the heart is the center of spiritual life from which all of our good and bad deeds originate. It is said that the heart should be guarded, that the pure in heart see God, to trust with all your heart and much more.
So what does all this mean? It means that if life should be clearer and more successful, then pay more attention to what you feel in your chest than to the chattering mind. Especially when it comes to important decisions.When you ask intuition a question, you can either feel the chest widening or closing. If you feel blocked or sad in your chest, instead of ignoring it by going back into the head, trust that there is something that your Soul is sad about that needs fixing. Ask it: “What would you like to release?”. If you want to know whether you are doing the right thing or not, check for that sense of joy and lightness around the chest area.
You might say: “But isn’t it important to keep balance between heart and mind?“. Yes it is. But in this world, we have an imbalance of being 90% mind-head oriented. We are so far away from balancing the two, that here, I’m only emphasizing the heart.
That’s not to say that you should be staring at your chest all day. You breathe into the stomach and look to the chest when you look to see how you really feel about something. Ignore that and all you’ll be seeing is thoughts. Thoughts may or may not be accurate. But the heart is always accurate. And the heart knows things long before the mind does. Not the head, but the Chest is your Center.
The Cholesterol Myth as an Example of Mass Falsehood
One of my grandmothers was perpetually dealing with health problems. But rather than addressing the causative emotional issues, that were clear for all to see, she went on about “cholesterol levels” and all the pills she needed against them. Even as a child, I was suspicious. Her mantra, for years, was: “I have to watch my cholesterol levels”. I sensed she had no idea what she was talking about, had never researched the subject and was simply repeating what was heard on TV. You can tell the difference in tone between self-learned and indoctrinated information. When you question a person on indoctrinated info, you’ll notice that their grasp of the subject is shallow. To hide that, they’ll get angry when questioned. So it was with her. She didn’t like it when her stance on “cholesterol” got questioned. There was no discernment between good and bad cholesterol, processed and unprocessed foods or a questioning of her general lifestyle. And she got questioned by all family members because her efforts didn’t seem to have any positive effect on her health or energy, quite the contrary. She spent most of her time in a reclining chair, watching TV. The 10 year old me was confident that the reclining chair and it’s underlying emotional attitude is what caused her health problems.
For 50 years, Government, Media and Doctors were united in warning people about Cholesterol. Anti-cholesterol “statin tablets” became a super-profitable Industry for Pharmaceutical Companies. Then, in the year 2015, the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) silently changed their dietary guidelines on cholesterol:
“Previously, the Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommended that cholesterol intake be limited to no more than 300 mg/day. The 2015 guidelines will not bring forward this recommendation because available evidence shows no appreciable relationship between consumption of dietary cholesterol and serum cholesterol, consistent with the conclusions of the AHA/ACCC report. Cholesterol is not a nutrient of concern for over-consumption”.
After 50 years of mass anxiety, lawsuits against doctors who did not follow the scare and people taking expensive and ineffective pills, someone decided that “cholesterol is not a nutrient of concern for over-consumption“. Who decided that? All the articles on the decision won’t tell. Why not? And who decided cholesterol was of concern? They won’t tell that either. If we could put a name and a picture to a far-reaching decision that affects millions, that person could be held accountable. But you can’t hold “The Pharma Industry”, “The Government” or any other vague collective accountable. So if it is indeed true that cholesterol is “of no concern” (and I don’t know if it is, I’m only reporting what “they” say), was anyone compensated? Or was at least a public apology issued? Were medical textbooks rewritten? No. As far as I can tell from a brief online search, the matter is still largely unknown. Some still can’t believe it, because the belief was implanted so deeply. Throughout the entire 1970s and 1980s, hundreds of thousands of TV Ads, Brochures and Magazine Ads kept scaring people about “high cholesterol”. As of April 2020, if you type “cholesterol” into a Search-Engine, you still find the concept on the front page and no mention of the fact that most Governments around the world have updated their guidelines. It could take another 5 years before mass-consciousness accepts the “new” idea. So if you happen to share this information today, you might be called ignorant, because most people believe otherwise.
Apparently, the reason it was silently decided that “cholesterol is no longer of concern” is because there is just no scientific evidence that it is linked to heart problems. The scientific evidence you thought there was, was likely sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry, to sell people their pills.
Not unexpectedly, the pendulum is starting to swing to the other side – a whole new set of fanatics is emerging, claiming that all “cholesterol is healthy” and that low cholesterol is “unhealthy”. They say your cells are partially made of it, your cells produce it and that there would be no brain or heart functioning without it. They tell us that without it your body wouldn’t produce vitamin D and that your body uses cholesterol to repair nervous tissue. They cite studies have linked higher cholesterol with better memories (less dementia) in older people. Are these things true? Again, I have no idea, I haven’t looked into it. It doesn’t interest me all that much. My health is regulated by spiritual principles, so I don’t listen to mass-publicity campaigns that preach one extreme or the other. If you listen to it all, you’ll end up confused and perpetually worried about “making a mistake”.The same Government that told as that Cholesterol is dangerous is now telling us that it’s fine. I’m not going to just blindly trust that assessment either. Our “trusted authorities” change their opinion on what is or isn’t good every couple of weeks. I’ll instead rely on a) intuition and b) my own experience and the experience of healthy people.
As so often, the truth about the ineffectiveness of anti-cholesterol pills came out through the efforts and experiences of regular people, not through Government, Doctors and Media. People were talking about it and pushing for change long before the media or doctors started talking about it.
The Cholesterol Myth is one of thousands of examples of possible Mass-Falsehood that I could list right off the bat. Just a few examples:
1. The sun does not cause skin cancer. Otherwise the emergence of Trillions of sold bottles of sunscreen would have lowered instances of skin cancer. But skin cancer has been steadily increasing and continues to. If sunlight did cause cancer, we wouldn’t have a prevalence of skin cancer on people who are not often exposed to the sun.
2. Oil resources are not limited. Our wonderful Earth replenishes its resources. First it was said we would reach “peak oil” in 1995. Then we were assured the oil would run out by 2005. And then we were warned that all oil would be gone by 2020. I won’t go into this more deeply, I’ll let the passage of time prove it.
3. Buddha was not overweight. The fat Buddha statues are fashioned after a 10th Century monk.
Shall I go on? The list is endless because the mind loves making stuff up.
If the cholesterol scare is a myth, and I suspect that it is, then where did it come from? It came through ethically-challenged pharmaceutical companies. One persons problem is another persons profit. Behind belligerent fear-tactics there is a salesman trying to peddle something.Companies spend a lot of time looking for problems that they can provide a solution to. If they cannot find a problem, they might create one or falsely assign causes of an existing problem. If I say “heart attacks are caused by emotional stress”, that’s not really profitable, because love and calm can be created for free, by mere intention. So they have to fund more “studies” that “discover” that “high cholesterol is the cause of heart attacks”. Then they create a drug that “solves” it, even though a placebo would probably have a better effect. Then they leverage mass media and bribe politicians to push it. Litigation against doctors who fail to prescribe their drug, further enforces the scheme.
I’m not saying that pharma companies are generally unethical or that this is the way of every drug. But when people benefit financially from problems, there will be a few negatively-oriented people exploiting the fact.
Question all fear-based messaging. Don’t lazily accept everything you hear or read. Instead, take health advice only from long-term healthy people. Just because most people believe something, doesn’t make it true. If you look through modern and ancient History, the majority has, often enough, been completely wrong. And before you overdue the pill-popping, remember that most health issues really are emotional and nutritional.